Quick Movie Reviews

Aeon Flux (Eee On Flux, that's how I say it)- It is not as bad as people might tell you it is or how it looks. I rarely watched the MTV cartoon a decade ago so I went into very interested in the whole story. I like Charlize Theron and especially her costumes (you get to see some side-tit, sort of) It took a while to catch what's going on and I almost totally feel asleep at a boring point of the movie. The last 20 minutes was pretty cool because it was action packed.
Zathura- "Jumanji In Space" which is annoying but that was the point of the whole movie. That and the whole brother theme in that they can work together but want to tear each other apart at the same time (only relatable if you have one and you're a boy) It had a really dumb twist near the end of it which was so dumb that I don't want to spoil it. It was semi-interesting in the whole cliffhanger feeling of wanting to know what happens next. But it just seems so un-original because of Jumanji.

Just Friends- It was pretty good. Ryan Reynolds never disappoints me and the violent/dark nature of the movie made it worth seeing. I couldn't stand Ana Faris's (who by the way tries to be too funny and it doesn't work) character which was the point because she played a bitch. I can't really relate to anything in it (yet) but the romantic theme in the movie is relatable to anyone who's been in love.

I enjoyed The Legend of Zorro. It's PG, so it doesn't go too far with anything which sucks. It had to earn my attention cause I went into it not really interested.

2 Weeks since a post, I gotta talk about something

I haven't been posting because I'm too damn lazy, so what, want to fight about it.

Let's see what to talk about?......

LARRY H. MILLER- I DON'T THINK I WANT TO KNOW THIS GUY

Since he's such a homo-phobe maybe he should ban himself from the public, look how fuckin gay he looks in that retro Jazz uniform.

What I'm talking about is the whole Brokeback Mountain controversy in Utah, Larry H Miller stopped the film, about two cowboys fallin in love while herding sheep, from showing at one of the theaters he owns. That's fine because that's his choice. The thing that really pisses me off is that he cancelled the movie minutes before it was supposed to show. It's not like it's a XXX gay porno (I don't really know since I haven't seen it), but it's won the Critic's Choice and Golden Globe awards for Best Picture and it will probably win the Oscar. It was a theater in Salt Lake for crying out loud it's not like it was gonna show in my neck of the woods. A lot of mormons laugh when they say that "ha ha, gay people are boycotting the movie, like that's gonna hurt." All I have to say to that is you never know how many there are in Salt Lake or in my neck of the woods.

Last week was an interesting one for me, I had an infected tooth (or abscess) starting on Wednesday and I just ignored it until the next day it got fuckin worse. I went to the dentist the next day and let's just say he was very happy I called him. The left side of my face was swollen (I didn't take a picture even though I should of. The dentist put the novacaine, which was very fucking painful because of the swollen area. The rest of the "dental surgery" went smoothly. He drilled through one of my teeth and drained out the infection and made an incision (or cut) and drained out some more shit. So I stayed home for the weekend and did nothing, which is what I do anyway. 5 days later and I'm feelin fine.

1st Movie Review of the Year- Fun With Dick & Jane

Well, it was good enough to be taken seriously. It wasn't the most hilarious movie I've ever seen or anything (not even the funniest Jim Carrey movie). But it does have its moments, even good ones that none of the TV spots or trailers show or give any clue of. I liked how that the whole "Crime" element of the story doesn't kick in too quickly. I admire movies that spends some time in one area of the film before moving to the next. Some critics say that the movie is a commentary on the multi-million or billion dollar companies and how there's so much corruption in them. That's pretty much true and I all I want to say without spoiling things is that I like the ending because it will probably divide rich people and poor people whether it is a happy one or a immoral and evil one. The film takes place in the year 2000 and I wondered throughout the whole thing why that is. In the end, it will make sense unless you're an idiot who doesn't pay attention to the news. Not that paying attention is exactly good, cause in some ways it's painful and time wasting. So overall, the movie is a good one, even though it's dark in its subject matter and it may lead to having bad ideas of obtaining money. It does make you think about money and whether you got enough to survive.

Happy Flippin New Year from The Blog of Mr. J-Ray, yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking, 4 Days Late. Well F%^K OFF

What I did over the freakin holidays, doesn't matter. What my new year resolutions are, who cares, I won't follow one. Although I was successful last year when my only resolution was to see a lot of movies. Probably the only resolution I have this year is to buy more games for the video game systems I have. Shit, I bought a mother huggin XBOX last year for a crap load of money I spent a lot of time saving. I had only 2 games before buying it and only bought 1 freakin game. That's got to change especially with that 2 year replacement plan I got with the XBOX. The question is what the hell are some good games that are out there? Oh well I'm sure I can buy more than one lousy game.

Anyway, I have a quick thing to say about today. I had a chance to see the new Queen Latifah movie Last Holiday for FREE. Getting anything free is a very good thing in this time of not having a job. But I decided not to see the movie cause I had a cousin over to visit. Maybe next time and especially if it's a different movie.

Speaking of not working, I'm back in school and the awesome thing is I only go 2 days a week. My mother is pleading since I have this schedule to go get a job. It's just funny to me because I imagine that she is pissed out of her mind while I smile about attending school only 2 days a week.

Before going any further, I'm happy that The University of Texas won the NCAA Football Championship. Not that I'm from Texas or love the state, I'm just glad that USC didn't get there 2nd and a half championship in a row. It was a good freakin game, pretty heart pounding shit all the way to the end.

The last thing I want to post today is a story of my good deed for Wednesday January 4th, 2006 (Wow, this is weird to type 2006). I was holding my pug Clark, (left) keeping him away from a different dog, cause I don't want another dog of mine to die because of a fuckin loose dog (but that's another story). The other dog finally ran off and I put Clark down to finish my walk with him. The next thing I know, I see a little boy I recognize walking across the street with a very sad and worried look on his face. I know right there that the dog I just saw is probably his dog. I take my dog home and drop him off. Then I go back outside immediately and find the runaway dog two houses away sitting on a huge lawn. I cut across the lawn to get to the dog (which I guess hurt its leg while running) and the lady living there started to yell at me for being on her lawn. Then in a very slow and dumb sounding response, I say, "I think I know who this dog belongs to and they are looking for it." Then I apologized for running on her lawn. She said that it was OK, she was just a little pissed because junior high aged kids ran on her lawn all day. I thought to myself later that she sounded ridiculous because her lawn is the fuckin BUS STOP for the junior high students in the morning. But I understand why she was pissed, the people who live on the same street as me cut on my parent's lawn every day and I just want to smack them. Anyway, I carried the heavy ass dog (heavier than my pug let me tell you) all the way to his house where I ran into the little boy and I made sure that it was his dog. Now my left arm is really sore from carrying the dog and I got no reward or anything. But oh well maybe next time.

All I Want to Say today is I Love Sudoku, and oh yeah, HO HO HO Merry Christmas

The 2005 JMA Winners

Since 1999, I have done my own version of the Grammy Awards mixed with the Video Music Awards where I pick my favorite album, follow up album, video/song, and new artist in music for each year. This should not be taken seriously, these are just based on the albums and music(from the artists I know and love) that I bought or listened to this year. Artists like Coldplay, Foo Fighters, or Beck are not included on this post because I didn't even listen to their latest albums. So here are the 2005 winners, according to me.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
MESMERIZE- SYSTEM OF A DOWN
JMA Award winner- Best New Artist 1999




















FOLLOW UP ALBUM OF THE YEAR
(Albums that are somewhat better than the last release)
t.A.T.u.- DANGEROUS AND MOVING
JMA Award Winner- Best New Artist of 2003





















SONG(S)/VIDEO(S) OF THE YEAR
TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET Chapters 1-12
R. KELLY




















BEST NEW ARTIST
????
I'll think about this one later because it seems that no new group came out and totally amazed me like others in the past years. With most new artists, or at least artists new to me, I only heard one song such as:
Different- Acceptance
Gravity- Embrace
Slide- Mark de Clive-Lowe
There are a couple artists I would highly consider.
1. Fall Out Boy- I can tell they didn't come, or start, out this year, but probably a lot of people didn't know them before 2005 either.
2. James Blunt- I like the current single "You're Beautiful" but another song named "Goodbye My Lover" totally had me wanting to burst into tears, which I like, after hearing him perform it on SNL.
So I don't know about which one should be the choice, I'll just have to see what these artists do later and then I'll decide the 2005 Best New Artist.

Along with System of A Down & t.A.T.u., here are the other nominees for album of the year.



311's Don't Tread On Me- Excellent album, but I don't want to be too biased on my favorite group every year. 311 has won several JMAs in the past including 1996, 1999, and 2003 Album of The Year.

Family Guy Live In Vegas- Very funny and it's cool to include a comedy album in the category. What a year it's been for Seth MacFarlane and the creators of the popular FOX show: the show comes back funnier than ever and this CD is released.

Daft Punk's Human After All- Probably would of won Album of the Year if it was longer and it had better songs. It absolutely doesn't measure up with their previous release, Discovery from 2001 which won Best Album for that year. I think they made it too quick, it does have two really amazing songs: Human After All & Robot Rock

My Favorite Film of the Year- This Divided State

I did not include this film on my post named "The Best, Middle, and Worst Films of the Year that I Saw" (a couple posts down) for a couple reasons.
1. I have huge reasons for loving it which include witnessing most of the events of the film as they were happening, going to the school that the film takes place, being obsessed with the story from the start, and finding myself on one of the special features on the DVD after I bought it on the September DVD release date.
2. On that post I wanted to list major motion pictures that played in theaters all over the country and save this film for a separate post.

Now that I have that out of the way. I was excited about this movie ever since I read that director Steven Greenstreet was making it in my campus newspaper. I RSVP'd and attended the February 3rd, 2005 premiere at the Ragan Theater @ Utah Valley State College. It was a very enjoyable experience because I got to laugh and get extremely pissed off at the whole story all over again.

If you don't know the story or what the hell I'm talking about, here's a very good summary.
A raw and riveting examination of the heated "red versus blue" rift in the nation, This Divided State begins in September 2004 with the presidential election fast approaching and the State of Utah ready to declare itself "Bush Country" once again. However, this complacent state of Republican majority was rocked when Utah Valley State College announced that liberal filmmaker Michael Moore would speak on their campus two weeks before the election. Within 24 hours of the announcement, a media frenzy descended upon the school as angry community members and religious leaders shouted protests, pointed fingers, and quoted Mormon scripture. Some even claimed Mooreπs arrival would bring the Apocalypse.
The student body representatives who had invited Michael Moore soon were inundated with hate mail, death threats, and claims that they had committed "treason." An effort to Other students who supported Mooreπs right to speak were labeled "liberal," "anti-Mormon," or just simply "evil." Spearheading the anti-Moore campaign was Kay Anderson, local millionaire, Sunday School teacher and self-appointed community spokesperson. Mr. Anderson made local headlines when he attempted to bribe the college administration, during a public forum, with a personal $25,000 check in order to cancel Michael Mooreπs speech.
Attempting to calm outrage, the college invited FOX News pundit Sean Hannity to speak a few days before Moore. But this was to no avail. The controversy continued to explode into a full-blown war of political and religious differences and, within days, lawsuits were filed, resignations occurred, and friendships were torn apart.

My personal story about the whole thing is that I love Michael Moore and what he does. When I heard from my parents that he was coming to my school, it was like hearing my favorite music group was coming to my city to do a concert. So immediately I got my free student ticket to Michael Moore's speech which was funny cause the ticket lady said to me "Are you sure this is what you want?" All the events between getting my ticket to going to the speech was pure chaos at its best. I saw the "Anti-Moore Rally" and the "Anti-Hannity Rally" take place luckily because I was on my lunch break at school. Without getting into every scene, my opinion on the whole story is it was a big deal over nothing. The school lost donations, the enrollment went down, and most other major changes to school were slightly blamed on the incident. On the other hand, the end of the world didn't come and it brought attention to the school, and at the time it made school a very cool place to because people had something to talk about. Ever since then, school for me has been sort of boring.

Anyway, here's my little review of the film. I wish they put more of the "Anti-Hannity Rally" in the DVD special features first off. This is because there was a guy who said fuck a few times and then a guy came up and said something like, "You should be ashamed of yourself," which was funny. I was sort of disappointed in how they changed the ending from the screening at the premiere to the DVD release. I liked how the filmmakers orignally put a clip of Michael Moore on The Tonight Show telling Jay Leno that Bush won the 2004 election because "Bush got more jokes." Not that I'm conservative, because believe me I'm not, but the whole way he said it was funny.

About Kay Anderson (The obvious antagonist in the film). The guy is not the Mayor of Orem City, my father, my church bishop, the President of Utah Valley State College, or President of the LDS church. So I think he and his wife should move next to Brigham Young University, have a Caffeine Free Diet Coke with a smile, and shut the mother fucking hell up. He had only one good point throughout the whole thing which was that the school would likely lose donations.
I really like how the film showed how much of a dick Sean Hannity is and how polite and tolerant Michael Moore is because he probably did research on the mormons who make up most of the population on location. Oh by the way, free speech works because we know when not to keep our mouths shut and something should definitely be said.

And about Sean Vreeland, the guy should not be doing a "controversial" petition in the middle of the UVSC student center if he's not ready for people to ask why the hell he's doing it. "Read it and sign if you agree" is not good enough. He needs to discuss the reasons why the petititon is such a brialliant idea or go do something else. I remember Vreeland at the time saying that people shouldn't listen to Michael Moore because he's not a college graduate. Well neither was he at the time so that comment just plain sucks ass.

The film captured all the different events very well and not leaving any huge details out. I also love the little scenes outside of the school about a Michael Moore look-a-like and talking to a guy who was in the U.S. Army dressed up as a stormtrooper which makes me laugh because a proud soldier ends up being a Star Wars character. I thought the visit to a place called "Moore Pizza" was good because the guy look so excited to have somebody actually being there. Those and the numerous other shots of places around Utah Valley show what kind of place it is very well.

The film is supposed to be unbiased but in a way it isn't. Yes, both sides get their say and there's no narration in the film but the filmmakers did pick what things to put in it and the questions asked by the director to Kay Anderson and Sean Hannity were to trap them and make their "side" look dumb in my opinion. Not that I hate that but it's good to point out. I loved that a montage of newspaper clippings and other items in the press was displayed in one sequence.

I love the choice of music which is very important in my book. The music was strong in getting the emotions out whether it be calm, angry, or sad. The editing and sound don't bug me cause as long as I can tell what's going on and what people are saying, it's all good to me. The film has plenty of memorable lines. My favorite quote is, "This guy's not evil," said at the public discussion panel portion of the film about Michael Moore as a person.

So as you can see, I have a huge bias for this movie and I recommend it to anyone that is interested. I bought my sister who lives near Washington D.C. a copy and I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it. For more details and a bunch of other stuff, go to the film's website.

RICHARD PRYOR- Dec. 1, 1940--Dec. 10, 2005

I'll Post More Stuff Later (I Promise)

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Movie Review- Mobsters & Mormons

NOTE- This will be the first and LAST Mormon Movie of any kind I will review on this Blog

I put that note there because I hate to see these movies but I see them anyway because I'm curious about what they have to offer. One reviewer said that this movie was a step up compared to the other mormon flicks. Still, I don't like mormon movies (especially the comedies) because they are highly stupid and very embarrassing because of the place that I live. What's worse, especially with this movie, is the people in the theater talking throughout the movie about how each stupid ass line reminds them of a particular person or thing.

Judging from this movie and the trailers before it, mormon movies are starting to star actors that most people will actually recognize from something else. In this case, it was lead actor Mark DeCarlo who I recognize from an episode of Seinfeld right off the bat. That was one little good thing about the movie.

The jokes suck big time. Most of them have to do with how the Mormons (and Utah) are so different than the "Mobsters" and where they come from. (fry sauce, little or no caffeinated beverages, multiple wives, etc)

The scenes that I actually enjoyed were ones between the "Mobster" son (sitting down on the left) and the chick on the right that sort of looks like an Olsen Twin. It took a break from the crappy Mafia and Mormon stereotyping and just got down to good scenes about two young people interacting and just hanging out without doing a bunch of stuff. It made me think of making fun of The OC televison show and instead call it "The UC" (Utah County).
But since it's a mormon movie, the two don't get involved romantically which sort of sucks.

It started out really bad. Then all of the sudden, it got better as it went along. There's actually parts that were really interesting. (Explosions, chases, etc) The ending is alright, thank God it wasn't really cheesy or crappy like other movies in the genre.

On a 1 to 10 scale, I would give it 6. Of course, I wish there was cursing but what the hell. It didn't leave a shitty taste in my mouth. I liked to see the numerous locations because they are in my area.

__The Best, Middle, & Worst Movies of the Year __(That I Saw). The List Is In No Particular Order

COOL MOVIES
Sin City

Batman Begins

Star Wars Episode III
The Transporter 2
Red Eye
Crash
The Longest Yard

Cinderella Man

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Coach Carter

ALLRIGHT MOVIES
Fever Pitch
The Interpreter
Flightplan
White Noise
Rebound
The Honeymooners
Hitch
Sahara
Monster-In-Law
Hostage
Are We There Yet
The Amityville Horror
Into The Blue
Just Like Heaven

DUMB MOVIES
Deuce Bigalow European Giggilo
Man of the House
The Brothers Grimm
Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Kicking And Screaming
The Pacifier
Guess Who
The Perfect Man
Sky High
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Quick Stories from attending the "Holy War"

STORY #1
I attended the BYU vs. Utah college football game on Saturday November 19th, 2005 and it was a pretty good game overall. But this story takes place during halftime of the game when BYU was losing by 21 points and the fans were pissing their pants in anger.

I was sitting on the upper seats of the right stands of Lavell Edwards Stadium when I heard some loud talking between two men about three rows behind me. When I looked back to see what the two guys were talking about, a woman sitting close to them asked a dumb question. "Are you two brothers?" It was like watching a Bill Engvall "Here's Your Sign" joke come to life.
The more angry one of the two replied, "No, we're grandfathers" and then I kid you not, he flipped her off and called her a "bitch" and then used the word "fuck" in the next couple sentences.

It was one of the most funny things I've seen in a while and I couldn't believe something like that would happen on the BYU Campus. If you don't know about the school or the mormon religion then you wouldn't realize how rare this kind of thing is to see. Because it is certainly not tolerated there. That's one of the reasons I don't go to BYU for school.

Of course the woman and the fans sitting close by were pretty shocked and frustrated about what happened. They all started to torment the guy with "Don't do that, don't say that". The dumbest example of other spectators talking back was a father saying to the two guys, "I don't want my 14-year-old son sitting next to me to hear those kinds of words." I thought to myself, "Oh please, he's probably heard the words fuck and bitch about 200 times by the time he turned 14." The kid said it didn't bother him, no duh. This is 2005, not 1955.

Anyway, security took the two guys away for about 10 minutes and then they returned and nothing else really happened. The woman who got flipped off blamed the incident on people not sitting in their exact seats. I understand that because you get such little room on those ass hurting benches.

STORY #2
Earlier when the game started, some fans stood on a bench in front of my dad and I. And when they stood on it, we couldn't see the game. So my dad yelled at them very loudly. Since he doesn't yell that much, it sort of scared the begesus out of me. Then the guys got out of the way and put a motorcycle helmet and jacket down on the bench. I got so pissed at them that I wanted to grab the helmet, take it to the bathroom, and piss in it. I also wanted to throw the jacket towards the field and make the guy go get it. But I didn't do that stuff, I'm not stupid. So I just thought to myself. Stupid nerdy ass fucking dicks, sit the fuck down.

Wrong Door DUMB ASS!!!

This has got to be the picture of the day in my opinion, and shit, look at his face. I wonder if this is the face he makes when he has an orgasm? I heard about this picture this morning on the radio and after hearing the description of it, I just had to go look for it. I saw it the first time this morning on the front page of The New York Times. Then I wanted to post it today and so, here it is. Oh well, 38 more months with this dude in office, there's plenty of more jokes to cum with this guy. (Ha ha get it, the orgasm reference and then I said cum.)

More Movie Reviews

THE BROTHERS GRIMM
Well I knew I didn't REALLYwant to see it but it was OK I guess. I didn't know who or what the hell The Brothers Grimm are. But with all the fairy tale references, I made a pretty easy connection. I am not a big fan of fantasy or horror movies, so this just wasn't my bag. I got a little sleepy during the beginning so it may have thrown me off. It was like watching Van Helsing again, that blah blah blah mystery feel. Not really funny or entertaining but I still kept my eye on it. I did like the brother theme, if you don't have one then the movie doesn't feel real. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger did alright, but not as great as earlier performances from the two. So I suggest seeing it if you know what you are going to get, cause I didn't.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
(aka, Michael Jackson and the Chocolate Factory) But seriously after watching this I'm convinced that Tim Burton should stick to his weird movies with misunderstood or odd characters and stay the hell away from re-making movies. Planet of the Apes sort of sucked and this one just can't beat the original Willy Wonka movie. It's like comparing the old Star Wars movies with the recent ones, it's hard to compare visual effects and acting because of the change in time. Johnny Depp was very..who gives a shit. The four young actors did very well in their parts. I liked how it stayed true to the book (even though I never read the book but I could tell the certain type of illustrations that have been used in Roald Dahl books was there) The changes this version had were very boring, it's not called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory so I don't give a rat's ass about Wonka's childhood. The music by Danny Elfman really SUCKED, the movie would of been fine without the Oompa Loompa songs with all the different genres of music. Once again-Tim Burton, keep making your OWN shit, like Big Fish. Thank you

Damn You Blogspot, Let me post some pictures. Anyway, I saw the dumbest movie last night.

The Dumb movie of the moment right now is D.E.B.S.
Don't get me wrong, I love independent movies, especially the ones that were shown at the Sundance Film Festival, but this was a total waste of film.
When the premise of a movie is being told to me or when I read the little summary on the back of the DVD, that's what I want to see dammit.
It was supposed to be a good vs. Evil battle to death, or at least a secret crime fighting unit of females called the D.E.B.S. (I have no clue what it stands for) kicking some ass, chick style.
Jeez, it turned into a very dumb, boring, and irritating lesbian love story.
Before I go on, I don't hate gay people at all, this is not what this is all about. I feel good that a movie that was edited, written, and directed by a Lesbian is being put out there. Plus I saw the movie with a group of gay people and felt comfortable.
Anyway, it turned into a really stupid love story when the villain chick falls in love with one of the good guys, or should I say girls.
Another thing I couldn't stand was that the good guys sucked at being good and the bad guys sucked even more at being bad. In another movie, the D.E.B.S. could of just shot the villain bitch in the first half hour of the movie and then it would be over. No crappy lesbian love and no dumb ass story. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy and the whole lesbian subtext of the film would of got my attention if it were another movie. But that's not what I wanted out of this movie.
Well that's my rant for now.